If Only

I wish that my mom and I had a relationship where we enjoyed spending time together. I know that she loves me, but I always feel like she has other priorities. She's really the type of person that should only have had one kid. I always have felt kind of like a hindrance to her. I would want to do 'kid' things when I was younger and it just 'bothered' her from what she wanted to do.

One of my co-workers went on her lunch one day to get a pedicure with her mom and I just remember feeling sad. My mom would NEVER want to do something like that with me. She has never gone shopping with me, at least not since she was the one buying me clothes, she never wants to go out to lunch with me and Claire....it just breaks my heart. And it also makes me resolve to try and have a good relationship with Claire, no matter what age she is, or where she is in life. My mom wasn't a bad mom, but she never quite made me #1. And she's an amazing grandmother...she's so good with Claire...I guess I just wish things were different.

The more I've thought about it, the more I realize that I really don't want to spend much time with her, because it's just maddening. She's the kind of person who argues with you even when you are agreeing with her. And if you are in a disagreement, she won't let you get in a word...and she ALWAYS needs to have the last word. Even if you prove her wrong, she is still right in her mind. It's so frustrating to have a conversation with her because she interrupts the entire time. I know that I do this sometimes too, but I know about it and I try to keep it under control. She also believes everything she reads in email forwards...especially if it is trashing Obama. Lol, it just makes me laugh.

This turned into a bashing-my-mom post. Truth is, she was a good mother and she's a great grandmother...I just don't feel loved in the way I feel a mother should love her daughter. She doesn't want to spend extra time with me, and maybe that's actually a good thing.